I was privileged to attend a women’s conference organised by my church last weekend. I was to lead the congregational prayer on Sunday of the conference. In preparation for this, i studied Genesis 2:18-23 Friday before the event. My mind was blown as the Holy Spirit opened my eyes to understand my role as a wife. This became even more convicting and challenging when the guest minister spoke on it on Saturday.
We are in a world where if care isn’t taken, we will loose our identity as women. There is a lot of attack on the woman because it’s through her that life comes to the world. The devil’s agenda is to pollute the world by polluting the vessel through which life enters into the world.
Thank God for the feminists who fought for us to have a voice. But just like every other good thing, there is also a group of feminist whose agenda is totally different from equal pay, respect for women etc. This group is fueled by the enemy and their sole mission is to put us in the place where we are not. God is a God of order. Things never and will never go well when we try to tell Him that the order He put in place when He created the world is wrong. So inasmuch as i believe and i am grateful for the feminist movement, i am also wary of the fact that the bad eggs have given this group a bad name.
I am a woman. I am not a man. I love being a woman who has her husband as her head. Isn’t that beautiful? That God loves us so much and gives us the awesome privilege not just to have spiritual covering of Him only but also physical covering of our husbands? What is there not to love?
The aim of this blog post is to understand our role as wives. In Genesis 2:18,
I have read the above scripture so many times and have never noticed that the words ‘help meet’ were two separate words. I actually thought it was ‘helpmeet‘. There is actually no word as such. It’s important we read scriptures right so we don’t miss the message in it. In my personal devotion, i love to read various bible translations because it gives me a deeper understanding of scriptures. Most translations translate the words ‘help meet’ as ‘helper’. Despite this is beautiful in itself, it doesn’t do justice to the meaning of this bible verse.
Verse 20 of Genesis 2 reveals that it wasn’t really about Adam not having a helper, but it was about him not having the kind of helper that will meet his needs. Please don’t miss this! You can be a helper but you are really not meeting a need. I have been in situations where i needed help and i had people who thought they were helping but really they weren’t meeting my need. This in itself can be very frustrating. So could it be that the reason our husbands are sometimes irritated is because we think we are helping but we are actually adding more fuel to fire? Are we problem solvers or problem bringers?
Eve was the one who could provide the kind of help Adam needed. She was a fit. She was complimentary. She was not made to complete Adam. Adam was not made to complete her. No one has the power and ability to complete us. That is God’s role. When we place our husbands in position of God, that is idolatry. We are to compliment each other. We can never complete each other.
I also wondered why God chose to form woman from the rib of a man. God doesn’t do things for no reason. I have never really though of the rib to be so big of a deal. My quest for answers led me to do a research on the functions of a rib.
The rib has three important functions which are; protection, support and respiration. It encloses and protects the heart and lungs. It provides the strong framework on which the muscles of the shoulder, upper abdomen, chest and back can attach.
Take a minute and read the above paragraph again.
God brought us into the lives of our husband to do the above. Remember God didn’t take all of the ribs from the man to form the woman. Humans have 24 ribs. We are one of the ribs. So we are not as powerful as we sometimes think we are but at the same time, there is so much power in us than we think. Let’s expand of the functions of rib.
Protection: As a wife, i am to help protect my husband. To protect is to keep safe from harm or injury. There is no need in protecting something that does not have value. There is also no need in protecting something that does not have the ability to spoil. Did you catch that? Our husbands are valuable and they also have the ability to spoil. They are exposed to danger 24/7. Even if he has the ability to protect himself (because he has the other ribs in him), it is our duty to help make this happen.
We are to protect our husbands spiritually in place of prayer. The devil is after our husbands. He wants to make our husbands question their ability to lead. He wants to make them cowards and make them not believe in themselves. As wives, God has given us the ability to sense certain dangers from afar even before our husband can sense them. When i just got married, there was a friend of my husband who i always cautioned him to be careful with. He thought this friend was one of the best things that had ever happened to him and he felt i was wrong in my discernment. To cut the long story short, today he listens because he learnt his lessons when he didn’t pay heed to my caution.
Not only are we to protect our husbands spiritually, we are also to protect his finances. Not everything we see we buy. Money is not everything but we need money to survive. Why squander the wealth God has entrusted into our care? Expensive holidays can wait. Clothes can wait. Shoes can wait. Eating out can wait. It’s our duty to help our husbands protect the growth of their/our finances. I say our because our husbands finances should be ours also.
We are to protect his health. We are to watch what he is eating. We are to protect his emotions. God has given us the ability to do this.
Support: To support is to bear all or part of the weight. It also means to hold up. It is our duties as wives to support our husbands’ vision. We are to support them in every way. Gone are the days when people married because women were fine. Now people marry girls who can bring something to the table. Physical beauty isn’t going to add any value to the marriage. As women we need to think of ways to support our husbands. Are we killing their dreams by highlighting their weaknesses? Or are we magnifying the king in them?
Do we support and help our husbands overcome their weakness? Or are we only interested in highlighting their weakness to everyone just so we look better? Please hear me! I am not saying tolerate domestic violence and abuse. If this is your case, please seek help. All i am saying is that we should remember that we aren’t perfect and our husbands need us to help them come out victorious.
As women, we provide the framework on which our husband’s chest, shoulder, upper abdomen and back can attach. We help them stand erect. Our support enables our husbands stand with shoulders high in the midst of others. Our support makes those shoulders stay high and not slouch. Our husbands are able to stand confidently. Not because they are perfect but because they have helpers who is willing and ready to see beyond their weaknesses. Our supports gives our husbands voices hence they are known in the gates when they sit among others (Proverbs 31:23)
Respiration: This is the act of breathing in and breathing out. God forbid that we become the reason why our husbands have stress which results in high blood pressure, stroke, heart attack etc. My husband should feel safe and at home when he is with me.
One of the challenges i know most women have is that their husbands who the bible says are the priest of the home, are not standing up to their positions of leadership in this area. My personal experience has made me realise that sometimes, they want to do it but they are scared of making mistakes. I grew up in a Pentecostal home and my dad took and still takes his role of priesthood seriously. We had family devotions everyday. He was very proactive about how he lead spiritually. I married my husband expecting same even though my husband didn’t grow up in a similar environment like mine. So you can imagine the frustration i had during the first few years of marriage.
“Why can’t you lead devotions without me asking?”
“I want to see you worship” (like my dad – i will say this in my head). Bless him. I constantly compared him with my dad in my head and that fueled my frustration.
“Why aren’t you digging out bible verses?”
“Why can’t you explain the bible in a wow way?”
Why, why, why?
And bit by bit, i chipped away his confidence until there was none left. I watched him go from trying to ‘i can’t be bothered’. My heart ached. I was scared of raising my kids in the environment i created. I was scared of things getting worse. To be honest, i didn’t have to fast and pray to know why this happened. I knew instantly that my perfectionism has caused this. He just couldn’t meet up to my expectations and he decided there was no need to keep trying. This was fixed by me taking a step back. By me encouraging him even when there was nothing to be amazed about. By me listening and allowing him finish before interrupting. Sometimes even if i knew a better way to reveal a deeper meaning of the bible text, i kept quiet and told him what i learnt from what he said. By doing this, his confidence grew. Now he is very confident in sharing his understanding of the scripture not only privately but publicly and i learn each time he speaks.
Wives, maybe we need to step back a bit and give our husbands the opportunity to lead. They need our help and we need their headship and leadership. Womanhood is a blessing. We are at our best when we stay within the boundaries that God has placed us. We are not men. We cannot be men. I don’t want to be a man. Let’s stay and remain what our creator made us to be.
Has this blessed or challenged you in any way? Please let me know in the comment section.