But I Am Not Loved

When studying the life of Jacob in the bible, Leah is a character that we often don’t pay great attention to. She was Jacob’s wife; not by her choice or his choice. She was pushed into marriage by her dad to the arms of a man that didn’t want her. Jacob was interested in Rachel, Leah’s younger sister. This story is found in Genesis 29:31-35. As I read this story again, a lot of things started coming out to me. Things that made me feel empathy for Leah.

Firstly, the only description that was given about Leah is that her eyes were dull and another translation says she was plain. But for Rachel, we are told that she was beautiful and attractive. This made me wonder how long she must have put up with being the one who isn’t pretty. Growing up to hearing people describe your sister as pretty and nothing much being said about you must have been difficult for her. Ladies, you all know that no matter how much we claim we don’t pay attention to our physical appearance, there is still that part of us that pays attention to it. Being the eldest and seeing guys go to your younger sister all the time while you can’t even secure a date for yourself must have been a bitter pill for her to swallow. Rachel was attractive. When they both walked down the street, she was the one people turned around to admire. Maybe Leah always had people stopping her to tell her how much they were attracted to her sister’s beauty. Can you identify with that? Do you consider yourself to be the ‘ugly’ friend who no one pays attention to?

At home, Leah wasn’t wanted by her father. Think about it. What kind of caring father would give her daughter to a man who doesn’t want her? Laban (Leah’s dad) was insensitive to Leah’s feelings. Not only was he insensitive, but he also manipulated his own daughter. Having an uncaring and a manipulative father can affect the way you see yourself. Are you living with an uncaring father? Do you have an unhappy relationship with your father? Has this affected your confidence?

There are some ladies who struggle with days like father’s day as it brings bad memories of a dad that was not present. Some struggle to call God father because their perception of a father isn’t a good one. If you are a dad reading this, please I urge you to do the best you can do in ensuring that you do not inflict a lifelong pain on your kids. I believe so strongly that the first image we have of God as a father is that of our biological father. The role of a dad is never to be undermined. If you are unmarried, decide in your heart to be the best father you can be to your kids because the way you treat them not only affects them emotionally, but it also makes it challenging for them to see the caring nature of God. Give your children the chance to know what a father’s love feels like.

Leah was married to a man who didn’t want her. Do you see yourself as Leah? Are you married to a man that doesn’t care about you? A man that doesn’t even want you? It breaks my heart to know that there are places in the world where arranged marriage is still being practiced. It should not be so. When love is not the foundation of a marriage, abuse and neglect is inevitable.

If you can identify with Leah, I want you to understand that God cares for you. God cares about your feelings. He is concerned about women who feel rejected. This story is very synonymous with that of Hagar. A woman who was manipulated by her boss (Sarah) to be a surrogate mother and was kicked out by same boss when things became rough. Through this same woman, God revealed Himself as El-Roi (The One who sees me). Yes friend, God sees those tears you shed. Hebrews 4:15 says we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize. In those dark moments when you want to give up and throw in the towel, He knows exactly how you feel. He doesn’t underestimate the level of your pain. In Hagar’s distress, He gave her Ishmael (a name which means God hears) and also made her know that He sees.

God hears those words you mutter daily. And those tears are not in vain. God came through for Hagar. He also came through for Leah. Leah was compensated. In verse 31, when God saw that she was not loved, He opened her womb, but Rachel was barren.

Despite marrying someone who didn’t care about her existence, Leah did all she could to win Jacob’s love. This is something we ladies do a lot. We try to win the approval of people especially in marriage. I have heard and witnessed quite a few cases of domestic violence and I have also seen how even in the midst of the abuse, women cling so much to the marriage as they do all they can to be approved by their man. In verse 32, Leah thought by having kids for Jacob, she will be loved by him. After all, Rachel was barren and Jacob needed a child if not for anything but to continue the patriarchal blessing God gave Abraham. God told Abraham that he will be the father of a great nation. However Leah got it wrong.

You might be trying so hard to feel loved by people. That is where the trouble is. Being a people pleaser brings no satisfaction. Leah soon recognised this and changed her approach. In verse 35, she had a second child and instead of seeking love from man, her attention went to God. She praised God. Praise has a way of shifting our focus. Instead of spending time trying to please people, spend that time in pleasing God.

The most interesting part of Leah’s story is that her seed was the one through which Jesus Christ came. This was God’s way of compensating her. What an honour! Leah was the mother of Judah who was mentioned in Matthew 1:2. Jesus Christ is the lion of the tribe of Judah!

Leah was preyed on, manipulated, and mistreated, pushed into a marriage that was not healthy, she didn’t have the perfect figure, and she didn’t turn heels when she walked down the street. But her seed brought forth greatness in the end. Who would have thought!

The point of this post today is for you to know that God sees you and He hears you. He sees your tears, your pain. He knows that you are hurting. He knows that you are being mistreated and He will come through for you. He is a just God!

***Please this post isn’t suggesting you stay in an abusive relationship. If you are in one, please seek help and in some cases separation is needed***

56 thoughts on “But I Am Not Loved

  1. Thanks for shining a light on a great Bible character. I love the spiritual progress she makes by the time she has Judah, her fourth son. Previously she’d had kids to try and win Jacob’s favour. But this time she said “I’ll praise the Lord” (regardless of whether her husband loved her).

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  2. This is such a powerful post. Most times we often neglect to look at Leah’s plight. She is a person that we need to pay close attention to. I once wrote a post about her and some of the things I noted about her is that she had a meek and quiet spirit who was obedient to a demanding father. Racahel on the other hand was a spoilt child who was always the focus of attention. Leah tried so hard to win the love of a husband who could not see her for who she was. Finally, when Judah was born she turned her focus on God who loved her above all else. Note that when she died she was buried next to her husband not Rachael. There is so much we can learn from Leah and you have expounded wonderfully on her. God bless you.

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    1. I second your observations regarding Rachel and Leah. I love how you pointed out that she had a meek and quiet spirit. God does not despise a contrite heart. I think in the end, Jacob looked back at his life and realised that he mistreated Leah. Burying her next to Jacob was his way of compensating her. God truly sees everything and He comes through right in time.

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      1. Yes, God knows our heart and as women we can also relate to Leah’s pain. It is not a nice thing to live with a husband who does not love you. But, God is gracious and merciful and He gave her children to comfort her and to make her feel blessed and honored. We can also draw reference to Hannnah she was loved by her husband yet God closed her womb for a time. Once again, I must commend you for this beautiful post and I will share it on my Facebook page.

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  3. Pingback: But I Am Not Loved – Grace Over Pain – Smart Christian.net

    1. Same until this time. Despite her and her kids not being loved by Jacob, she still remained meek. Jacob had a soft spot for Joseph and Benjamin but didn’t really care about the children of Leah.
      Still a shame to see that he only compensated her when she died by requesting that he was buried next to her. Her story is truly touching. God sees and pays back.

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  4. Thanks for your insight. God doesn’t choose the best looking, the most talented, the cleverest, or the best equipped for His work; He calls those whose hearts He can work with to bring His glory. As the saying goes; God (rarely) calls the equipped, but He equips those He calls. All He needs is a willing, yielded vessel. We should keep this in mind when we’re tempted to stand out the way King Saul did…or many others from the Bible we could name!

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  5. I taught about Leah and Rachel in my Sunday school class. My studies did not lead me as deeply into the heart of Leah as your post did. Our eyes need to be open to the feelings of all involved in a conflict.

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    1. Every time we study, there is always something to learn. I love your last sentence a lot. It is a whole sermon on its own. We will handle issues with others betters if our eyes are open not only to our feelings but to theirs too. I will be using this as a prayer point. Thanks sis.
      By the way, have you done your surgery? I’m praying for you!

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Ah I remember you saying it was rescheduled due to you being ill. But I couldn’t remember the new date. I will continue praying for God’s healing for you.

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  6. Oh, be still my heart, what a beautiful and kind reminder of God’s love for us. I was aware that Christ came from the line of Judah but didn’t realize the implication of what that meant as a way for God to show His love for Leah. It’s very special ❤

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  8. I am reading a book now that includes Leah as one of the women in the Bible from whom we can learn a valuable lesson. Leah’s worth came from God and not those around her. I can totally relate because when I was growing up, my mom told me almost daily how ugly I was. She also told me that no one would ever want to marry me, so I should go to college and make sure I had a career. So, I followed her advice, met my future husband and got married. Forty-six years later, I look in the mirror and I see my mother. So I have forgiven her comments because I know that the person she really didn’t like was herself, not me. I am thankful that God saw my heart and fulfilled my desires to be a wife, mother and grandmother. I am reblogging your post because I think it is very important for all to understand who values them and counts them worthy of His sacrifice.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. So sorry to hear what your mum said sis. But I am glad you are no longer tied to those lies. Thank God for victory sis. This post resonated with a lot of people and I thank God for how He has used it to liberate women. I have never viewed Leah this way before. When I studied and saw how a lot of women including myself could identify with her story, I decided to share. Our identity is in Christ! Thanks for sharing your story. I’m sure it will help someone❤️

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  9. yeshuasbride1966

    Yes, I was that akward girl, that outcast when my sister was the younger, attractive, sought after one. All she had to do to get a guy to notice her was stare at him from a distance and then he’d come over there. She was spoiled, and when the tables turned…..after years 50 years of not being noticed the ugly duckling has turned into a swan I think. Even young men notice me while they pass up my sister. It’s hard for her to handle but it’s like that saying goes….”what comes around goes around”.

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