If i am honest, this is an area i am very conscious about because i find myself falling into it often. There used to be a time when falling into this trap was an everyday situation for me. I compared my achievements, gifts, body and everything (almost) with others. I secretly imagined how happier i would be if i could just shed a little bit of the baby weight i have on. Prior to having my third child, i had lost quite a bit of weight and i felt good. But it’s been a struggle since i had my third. I look on social media and see people whose #snapback games are strong. If you don’t understand that line, snapback is a term people use when they loose weight quickly after having babies. Yes i wanted to look like them and admired being able to wear everything in my wardrobe (i honestly still do).
Many bloggers i follow are very fluid with writing and i have compared my writing to them many times – mostly in my early blogging days. I would sit and wish how better my blog would be like and the many followers i would have if i could write like them.
Singing. The other side of me you might not know of. Yes, i do a bit of singing. And just before your mind start imagining what i sound like, i don’t sound like anything you are thinking lol.. Let’s just say, i know what a good vocal should sound like haha!. So i would spend time not only admiring but wishing i had those voices – the kind you were thinking of and i will slip into the dangerous zone of imagining how different my life would be.
Parenting? Oh yeah! No one ever tells you the full details of the hard work that goes into parenting. Being a full time working mum means every weekend is not outing day for us because house chores needs doing. The beautiful afro kinky hairs of my daughters take a bit of time to do as well and all of these means i micro manage my time. So hearing and seeing how frequent people take their kids out and the number of extra curricula activities they do, made me feel like i wasn’t doing enough.
There was a lady i followed on social media whose life looked so beautiful based on what was on her page. She went on weekly dates with her husband, she was always on a flight somewhere at least once a week (not for work but for pleasure), she frequently posted amazing presents she received from her husband, she had all sort of nice things. I spent so much time scrolling through her photos and making every wish I could make.
All of these led to discontentment. I felt I wasn’t pretty enough, my writing wasn’t good enough and my voice didn’t sound good enough. I began to compare my marriage with this lady’s. I started to put pressure on myself to do things that I know aren’t feasible for us to do. I was unhappy and as a result, i began to dislike this lady (who I didn’t know) – jealousy. I talked about how fake she was and that there was no way on earth someone could do all of what she was doing with a full time job. Whether this was true or not was none of my business. Even if it was true, my reaction was as if she has offended me personally.
Thank God who again revealed my filthy heart to me as all of these unraveled. As I thought about it and pleaded for mercy, I also thought about how many marriages, relationships and friendships have been broken just because people fell into the comparison trap.
It is good to admire the good things in others but it is not good to covet. It isn’t good to look down on what we have just because of what others have.
The comparison trap brings about jealousy, envy, gossip, discouragement, depression, divorce and broken homes. We cannot have a fulfilled life when we allow ourselves to be enslaved to comparison. If someone redecorates their home, ours should not automatically look unlivable in our eyes just because of what the next person has.
We need to be careful not to allow the devil rob us of our joy. We can never find joy if we keep wanting what any person have. Godly contentment the bible says is great gain.
Have you ever fallen into the comparison trap?
How did you/are you handling it?