The Comparison Trap

If i am honest, this is an area i am very conscious about because i find myself falling into it often. There used to be a time when falling into this trap was an everyday situation for me. I compared my achievements, gifts, body and everything (almost) with others. I secretly imagined how happier i would be if i could just shed a little bit of the baby weight i have on. Prior to having my third child, i had lost quite a bit of weight and i felt good. But it’s been a struggle since i had my third. I look on social media and see people whose #snapback games are strong. If you don’t understand that line, snapback is a term people use when they loose weight quickly after having babies. Yes i wanted to look like them and admired being able to wear everything in my wardrobe (i honestly still do).

Many bloggers i follow are very fluid with writing and i have compared my writing to them many times – mostly in my early blogging days. I would sit and wish how better my blog would be like and the many followers i would have if i could write like them.

Singing. The other side of me you might not know of. Yes, i do a bit of singing. And just before your mind start imagining what i sound like, i don’t sound like anything you are thinking lol.. Let’s just say, i know what a good vocal should sound like haha!. So i would spend time not only admiring but wishing i had those voices – the kind you were thinking of and i will slip into the dangerous zone of imagining how different my life would be.

Parenting? Oh yeah! No one ever tells you the full details of the hard work that goes into parenting. Being a full time working mum means every weekend is not outing day for us because house chores needs doing. The beautiful afro kinky hairs of my daughters take a bit of time to do as well and all of these means i micro manage my time. So hearing and seeing how frequent people take their kids out and the number of extra curricula activities they do, made me feel like i wasn’t doing enough.

There was a lady i followed on social media whose life looked so beautiful based on what was on her page. She went on weekly dates with her husband, she was always on a flight somewhere at least once a week (not for work but for pleasure), she frequently posted amazing presents she received from her husband, she had all sort of nice things. I spent so much time scrolling through her photos and making every wish I could make.

All of these led to discontentment. I felt I wasn’t pretty enough, my writing wasn’t good enough and my voice didn’t sound good enough. I began to compare my marriage with this lady’s. I started to put pressure on myself to do things that I know aren’t feasible for us to do. I was unhappy and as a result, i began to dislike this lady (who I didn’t know) – jealousy. I talked about how fake she was and that there was no way on earth someone could do all of what she was doing with a full time job. Whether this was true or not was none of my business. Even if it was true, my reaction was as if she has offended me personally.

Thank God who again revealed my filthy heart to me as all of these unraveled. As I thought about it and pleaded for mercy, I also thought about how many marriages, relationships and friendships have been broken just because people fell into the comparison trap.

It is good to admire the good things in others but it is not good to covet. It isn’t good to look down on what we have just because of what others have.

The comparison trap brings about jealousy, envy, gossip, discouragement, depression, divorce and broken homes. We cannot have a fulfilled life when we allow ourselves to be enslaved to comparison. If someone redecorates their home, ours should not automatically look unlivable in our eyes just because of what the next person has.

We need to be careful not to allow the devil rob us of our joy. We can never find joy if we keep wanting what any person have. Godly contentment the bible says is great gain.

Have you ever fallen into the comparison trap?

How did you/are you handling it?

26 thoughts on “The Comparison Trap

  1. To be honest, this is one of the many things destroying relationships between families, friends, partners… comparison in this generation. See someone looking good on the media and you want to compare yourself to them. Just exactly as you explained, it happens everyday, marriages start sinking from this point. Even sometimes children to parents.
    I have been a victim once and when I realised, I felt really bad but I thank God for the spirit of content I possess through Jesus, knowing all things are mine and in good time, I’ll have and live in them.
    Nice post!

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Yes sis. In these days of social media where we have access to the lives of thousands just by scrolling through our phones, it can be very easy to fall into this trap. I think it’s an area we have to guard diligently. And yes, children to parents. This is really sad. I have heard children say my parents don’t do this and that. The parents I know work hard to look after them but they don’t see it that way because they see the fancy things others are having. An attitude of gratitude is key in overcoming this. Thanks for stopping by😊

      Like

  2. Melina

    Thank you Efua I needed this today. You were speaking to my feelings. Is moment like this I can say thank you God for loving me for me, knowing you love me gives me a greater appreciation of how special I am .Thanks 🙏

    Liked by 3 people

  3. Yes, I have found myself here many times. One quote that I learned last year really helped me when it came to that filthy spirit of comparison. That being, “Comparison is the thief of happiness.” Whenever I felt like I was comparing myself to something or someone I thought about how I immediately felt my happiness going away. This helped me refocus my attention on where it needed to be. In my lane. Always a pleasure reading your post.

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Yes. I remember when I used to pray to have what I have now. I thank God for where I am today. What I don’t have now, I will have tomorrow if God wants me to. I’m disciplining myself to stay thankful and content with my season.

      Liked by 1 person

  4. Honestly.. I don’t think we ever get past this. This is why God says to guard your heart and renew your mind. I find myself in this trap whenever I am away from God’s word because God’s word shows me who I am. So when I’m away from that I start to see myself in the light of other people.
    Also, I try to avoid all those fancy pages that put me on undue pressure. Social media can be such a trap, makes it look like peoples’ lives are perfect when in truth, no one is.
    I even unfollow such pages if I have to. I think it’s all a part of guarding the heart.

    Thank you for sharing this. You’re not alone. But as we keep viewing ourselves through God’s lens, we see that it is unwise to compare ourselves.

    Thanks again for sharing this, Efua!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I so agree. Whenever I am away from His word, the world becomes attractive and I find myself drifting. To combat this, I try to meditate more and stay focused…. Yes I avoid fancy pages too because to be honest they do put me under pressure. I consider this step as guarding my heart too. Thank you so much for your transparency😊❤️❤️❤️

      Liked by 1 person

  5. Thanks for sharing friend, the Bible tells us to guard our hearts and keep away from covetousness. This life is a daily choice to covet what others have (especially with ‘social media’) and be discontent with where we are in life. Since God made each of us unique individuals, we need to stay on the path He’s ordained for our own lives and not spend so much time contemplating how someone else’s life would look on us. We have such a creative Lord, let’s follow Him instead of the world’s ‘cookie cutter’ mode!

    Liked by 1 person

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