Reflecting on the goodness of God and the profound miracle He has performed in my family lately as I lay in bed. I love how God speaks to us and never leave us on our own. As I have shared previously on this blog, 5th January 2017, God told me that the year was going to be very tough and turbulent. He told me that the only way I will be able to stand is if I stand on His word. This was contradictory to what I heard others saying the year was going to be. Although I know I heard God and the message was clear, I never knew how bad the fight was going to be.
February of the same year, I got a call that change the dynamics of our lives. My dad hasn’t been feeling too good and as I was speaking to him he mentioned the word “cancer“. My hands were shaking. My voice was shaking. I quickly sat down. I felt my heart drop. “I didn’t hear you well dad” I said as I hoped this wasn’t real. “It is prostrate cancer and leukemia” he said. I muttered “everything will be fine” as I tried to hold back my tears.
I thought this was the worst thing ever but little did I know it was just the beginning. Two weeks later, another phone call darkened my world the more. My baby brother too I was told has been diagnosed of leukemia. This time, I reacted differently. Anger and rage filled my heart. I screamed and shouted. “No God! Please God! Why God!” I ranged my husband in work to break the news as I cried. This news affected me so much that I could feel physical pain. Out of anger I prayed like I have never prayed before. I was angry at God. “Is this how you treat people who have served you all their lives?”
After praying, I jumped on the internet. I googled survival rates, I googled images of people with leukaemia, I googled everything I could. I read until I could feel my heart pounding. Headache, fear, panic came in. My brother and my parents live in Africa. This meant there was no free or affordable healthcare. The bills were rising and I was not working.
I had lost my job the year before due to company site closure. I was pregnant when this happened. I waited to have a baby before going back to work. I had my baby in January 2017. I was still going through the hormonal phase women go through after childbirth. Watching my husband work his butt off made me guilty. I felt he had to do it because of me. I didn’t know what to do. Where will I get thousands of pounds for medical treatment? Who will I run to?
At this point, prayers were going up. We knew this was more than just what we were seeing because of other situations that surrounded it. I began to contact family members to pray. We fasted, we prayed. It felt like hell broke loose.
In the midst of this, I experienced my first anxiety attack ever. As the living span around me, I quickly ran out of the house. As I pushed my baby in his previous, I was trying to mutter the name Jesus until I was able to voice it out. I walked around for over 2hrs praying “Jesus please show us mercy”. I didn’t care who was watching me. Some people saw me talking to myself and moved to the other direction of the road. What others thought of me wasn’t my problem. I knew I had a battle to fight – a tough one indeed!
Father’s Day last year (June), I was speaking with my dad as I was thanking him for the sacrifices he made for us, my dad told me how proud he was of us all. He told me how he was fulfilled and happy and said he knew God will heal him. But then he said something that struck my heart. “If God decides not to answer our prayer, He is still a good God!”.
At this point, I remembered what God had told me. I remembered He prepared me for this. However the monetary aspect was telling on us badly. Kids outing were no longer possible because every penny had to go home. Yes my parents both were working at the time but the government of my country wasn’t paying workers their wages.
Faith wise, this journey was a roller coaster for all of us. We had days when my dad will be requesting for us to come home. At some point he began preparing my brother for the task ahead. I felt I was loosing my dad gradually. Pain gripped my heart but I had to act like I was ok. “Efua, have faith” I would say.
I feel like sometimes we make faith sound like something that is abstract. I began to ask God questions about faith. I felt what I was hearing wasn’t real for me. “If I have to go through this God, I need you to teach me what this faith thing is” I told God.
He heard me and began to teach me The Heroes and Heroines of faith which I wrote about as a series on here. This was a pivotal moment in my life and my Christian work. I learnt that my inquisitive and question asking nature was not a sin neither was it a lack of faith. I learnt that God gave us different personalities and He doesn’t want me to loose mine in my relationship with Him. I learnt that feeling fear wasn’t a sin or lack of faith as not feeling fear at all isn’t human. I learnt about the people of faith in the bible with different personalities who God used. I began to unlearn what I learnt about faith and embraced what the Holy Spirit was teaching me. I picked up “The battlefield of the mind” by Joyce Meyer – a powerful book indeed. God used this book to work on my mind. My dad began to read my blog and this became a special thing we shared. Every time I spoke with him, he would tell me how he was benefiting from the series. He encouraged and challenged me to finish the series before this year. Thank God I was able to.
This series spoke to many people. I received so many testimonies from people who read it. It also opened doors for my writing as the series attracted a lot of people to my blog.
January 2018 came and God gave me a different word. He told me that it is my year to recover what I lost and my year of new beginnings. This is what it has been!
Four weeks ago, after 3 tests, my dad was told no cancer cell found!
God has also been opening a lot of doors and connecting me with people to help me more with my purpose. He has connected more young girls to me to mentor. He has given me boldness to speak with young girls I meet on the street. He opened a door for me to be a content provider on a bigger platform, he gave me a job and has given me opportunities to speak to other young people in ways I have never done before.
Looking back now, I see why He allowed this. I forgot to also mention how He showed me His love for me. I was praying in the midst of the heat and I saw God sat on His throne stretching His hand towards me. There was a very bright light from where His hand ended reaching to me. The light was magnetic and it pulled me up until I reached where He was. I buried my head in-between His feet and wrapped my arms around them. He tapped my shoulder, I looked up and He gave me the biggest smile ever. After that encounter, I knew He loved me. It confirmed His love for me. I knew He had my back and He was going to fight for me.
I write this to reaffirm that He is good and He is always there whether we are in the mountain or valley. You might be going through your storm right now, I will advise you not to mask your emotions and deny how you feel. God is able to take it all. I have always believed in authentic Christianity. Having faith doesn’t make us robots who cannot feel anything. It’s ok to feel fear but don’t dwell in fear.
In the words of my dad, always remember that “even if He decides not to answer your prayer, He is still a good God!”
We will stay with Him because we know that His place is best!