But I Am Not Good Enough

August 15th was my birthday. Being an extrovert, you would think I will be the type who like to party, go out and have all that kind of fun. But I’m not like that. I like to describe myself as an indoorsy extrovert. I am not shy, I love any form of communication and I don’t struggle with engaging in conversations. However I love my house and I have always being the type who can spend an entire month indoor doing my kind of fun stuff.

I like to spend my birthday mornings reflecting on previous years, evaluating my life, acknowledging how far I have come and setting goals for the new year. And that was exactly what I did this year.

As I laid on my bed, I replayed my life from my very earliest memories till now. I saw a young girl who felt she wasn’t pretty enough. In my high school days, I didn’t really have flock of guys flaunting around me. I did have a few but not many in comparison to other girls in my class. I felt this was because I wasn’t very pretty. I loved to study or maybe the truth is that my parents made us study. There was no wearing makeup and long hair extensions to school in my house. My parents were not messing haha! They were very strict.

Even if I was outgoing, my self-esteem was on the floor. I never felt good enough. I didn’t feel I looked good. I was bullied a lot in school and also by a family who were very close to us. I shared this story here. I started to believe that I wasn’t pretty and despite I was excelling in academics, I never believed or accepted I was intelligent. I somehow felt I was just lucky to be having 9As and 3Bs in school.ย  I felt those who gave me compliments didn’t really mean it. “They are just being nice” I would say.ย 

I carried this idea into my uni days. Behind the brave and confident girl people saw, was a very insecure girl who never felt she was good enough. As I gazed at this girl, I was amazed and thankful to God for how far she has come.

The little girl who wasn’t from a wealthy home, who was always misunderstood, who was sexually molested at age 8, bullied for everything thinkable, became sexually active in her teens, got pregnant and had an abortion at 19, had 3 miscarriages after marriage is today a different person. Now not only is she married, she is a mum to 3, she has a girls organisation that has been running successfully for over a year, she mentors young girls, she works full time, she is a youth leader, she is a content provider, a blogger, a speaker and she is able to reach out and help other young girls in need.

The girl who wrote this post you are reading was told by some jealous people who had low self esteem themselves that she will not go far in life. She was told she isn’t beautiful. But hey! I might not be a cover girl just yet but I am fine!!!!๐Ÿคท๐Ÿฝโ€โ™€๏ธ๐Ÿ’๐Ÿฝโ€โ™€๏ธ (Did you notice the flipping my hair emoji?) ๐Ÿ™‚

I am not saying this to boast but to let you know that God has the final say in your life.

You are good enough to be successful.

You are good enough to be a vessel used by God for His glory.

Your past doesn’t determine your future.

Your identity isn’t defined by what others think of you.

God made you and only His definition of you matters.

I am thankful for my path. I do have some regrets. If I were to go back in time, I certainly would do certain things better and make better choices. However I thank God for His mercies and for changing the outcome of my story. And now I believe that;

I am good enough

I am beautiful

I am the righteousness of God in Christ Jesus

I am a daughter of the Most High God

God loves me with an everlasting love

I am not inferior to you!

I know who I am!

Signed,

Now me

14 thoughts on “But I Am Not Good Enough

  1. Happy belated birthday, sis. Seemed I was reading my story as a read portions of yours. God is still in the business of restoration and there’s nothing better than to let people know that through our own personal testimonies. You go, girl! Shine on for Jesus.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Hi Efua. Thank you for your transparency and testimony. I take time to reflect too. We serve a God who heals and turns our wounds into sweet victories. Testimonies for His Kingdom and for His Glory ๐Ÿ™Œ๐Ÿฟ. Stay Blessed ๐Ÿ˜Š

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Amen!! I believe people are able to relate more when we are transparent. Testimonies are shared to point the attention of others to The One behind our testimonies. He sure heals and restores not because we deserve it by because Love is His nature. So grateful that we have a God like ours๐Ÿ˜Š

      Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks so much Sis! I truly thank God for using every bit of my story to His glory. When I hear โ€œall things work together for goodโ€, Iโ€™m usually like yeah I understand what that looks like because I am a testimony to that truth. God is good!

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Happy belated birthday to you… The devil knows the greatness that is us, so he throws all the mud he can our way to hide our shine. But we have the perfect hose and water in Jesus and His blood, washing it all away…

    Thank Good we don’t look like where we have been.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Melina

    I know the lady who’s post I’m reading. I thank God for your life I thank God for the confidence he has given you to be the outstanding amazing intelligent selfless thoughtful spirit-filled woman you are today.
    I pray that God can open our eyes to see ourselves the way he sees us.
    Very encouraging emotional postโค๐Ÿ™

    Liked by 1 person

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