I speak with a lot of young people and one thing I have noticed is the rush or the ‘I can’t wait to be in a relationship’ mindset that many have. It’s not wrong to desire to get married. God created this from the beginning. Marriage is filled with blessings and yes if you have the desire for it, that is good. However you don’t want to spend your season of singleness thinking about marriage.
Paul explains the reason for this in 1 Corinthians 7:32-34.
I want you to be free from the concerns of this life. An unmarried man can spend his time doing the Lord’s work and thinking how to please him. 33 But a married man has to think about his earthly responsibilities and how to please his wife. 34 His interests are divided. In the same way, a woman who is no longer married or has never been married can be devoted to the Lord and holy in body and in spirit. But a married woman has to think about her earthly responsibilities and how to please her husband. 35 I am saying this for your benefit, not to place restrictions on you. I want you to do whatever will help you serve the Lord best, with as few distractions as possible.
There is purpose in singleness. The purpose of singleness is not for you to spend all your time fascinating about marriage. It is for you to devout your undivided attention to God.
In my current season of life, I don’t have the luxury of spending hours of undivided attention with God anymore. I will have to stop at some point to attend to my kids and husband. I can’t do impromptu day outs with Jesus anymore. I can’t serve in church the way I want to because I have to put time with kids and family into consideration. In the same way, i can’t serve others the way i want to. You see marriage is a blessing but it comes with ‘good challenges’ (putting it in a good way).
When I was single, church was all I knew. Volunteering in church was fun. And I enjoyed the whole outing with others, ministering and serving without the challenge of kids coming into my schedule or having to come into agreement with husband.
There is so much freedom in being single that you really cannot enjoy when married.
This is the time for you to develop yourself and establish a good relationship with Jesus Christ. This is the time to travel and volunteer in missions. This is the time you can help some mama babysit her kids and serve that family.
Not only is this the best time to serve others, this is also a good time to know who you are in Christ. If you come into marriage thinking a wo/man is going to fill your void, you will be disappointed. No man, even a husband or wife can fill a void that only God can fill. I personally think this is one of the reasons why there are so many unhappy marriages today. People come into marriages with unrealistic expectations and then wonder why those needs aren’t met.
Don’t make marriage or the idea of getting married an idol. Live your life! Have a plan for your life. What do you want to do in life? Marriage is not purpose. Who you marry can help you with your purpose but marriage on its own is not the purpose for which God created you. Being married is not the reason for your existence. Marriage is not the hallmark of human existence even if sadly culture, society and the church sometimes makes it look like this.
What is your purpose? What void has God created you to fill on earth? Focus more on developing yourself. And to be honest when you are doing this, you will have less time worshiping the idea of marriage in your head.
Some people have created a whole family with someone mentally. They already have kids with this person and they can’t get this idea off their mind. This is a dangerous place to be at because you might end up not marrying that person.
When marriage becomes all you think about as a single person, you become desperate and most likely will end up making bad choice.