What Forgiveness Is Not

Grace Over Pain is all about sharing the grace of God and challenging our faith in Christ. I talk a lot about forgiveness and about living our lives the way God wants us to. Today I will be talking about forgiveness in a different way.

I feel sometimes when the word forgiveness is mentioned, people can misinterpret it for what it’s not.

When I say I forgive you that isn’t the same as me saying you now have full access to inflict pain on me again. Some people in our lives need to be kept in a distance zone despite we have forgiven them. Does that mean we don’t help them when they are in need? No! We still say hello to them. We still love them. We don’t keep malice, we don’t go about slandering their names. And it ends there. There are certain people who enjoy inflicting pain on others. Such people aren’t the ones we should keep giving chances.

Forgiveness is not forgetting.

Forgiveness does not mean trust is automatically regained .

Forgetting does not mean we overlook the pain caused and the offence.

Forgetting doesn’t equate to instant psychological, physical or emotional healing.

Forgiveness can mean separation. Forgiveness can mean staying away.

Forgiveness doesn’t mean that common sense and wisdom should be shoved away. Forgiveness doesn’t always mean there won’t be consequences of actions that should be paid for.

If you have been assaulted or molested, forgive whoever did it but don’t give them another chance to abuse you. I remember praying about a similar incidence and I did share how God led me to reach out to the person once. This was just to break that chain he still had in my mind. I did it once and that was it. No further contact and I am at peace with God and myself.

I remember someone asked me to lend them money and never paid me back. I truly have forgiven that person. However I will not be fooled to lend substantial amount of money to that person anymore. In a case where that person is in need, I will help by offering something that I can afford without expecting the money to be returned.

If the last time I accommodated you, you abused the opportunity, next time I won’t make that mistake again. I would rather contribute some money towards you staying in a hotel.

Do you understand what I am trying to say?

Listen! Don’t allow the enemy confuse your mind. Forgiveness isn’t foolishness. Wisdom is profitable to direct says the bible.

If you are struggling in this area, pray and allow the Holy Spirit guide you. You will know you have not forgiven if every time you remember that person’s name, your heart is bitter. You will truly know in your heart whether you have forgiven or not. And if you say you don’t know, ask the Holy Spirit who is the revealer of truth to reveal your heart to you.

Be wise.

16 thoughts on “What Forgiveness Is Not

    1. It can be. That is where prayers, spiritual and professional counselling comes in. This road is a journey where a lot of patience is needed. In some cases, it won’t be a once and done deal. It will be a continuous choice to let go of pain so healing can begin on the inside of us🙂

      Liked by 2 people

    1. Just realised we liked and commented on each other’s post almost the same time haha!
      It does take a lot of strength to forgive someone who has wronged us. Thanks for stopping by sis🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  1. I love that you say that forgiveness doesn’t mean forgetting. Only God can totally forget our sins against Him. We will always remember offenses and I think God gives us that memory as a protection for us from being hurt or taken advantage or repeatedly.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. This is where when Jesus said “do not throw your pearls to swine,” He spoke to my heart about letting go and moving on. We do not have to be taken advantage of by friends or family. We do not have to bear pain and guilt because someone wants to weight us down with their burdens. Excellent post!!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Absolutely. I think something we mistake lack of wisdom for being meek. And I like your first line because it is so true. Our time is very precious. Casting it to “swines” isn’t wisdom

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Pingback: The Parables of Jesus Series | Parable of the Unforgiving Debtor – Grace Over Pain

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