I am my worst critic. I beat myself up a lot. I forgive easily and tend to be good at offering grace to others but not myself. I always tell myself I could have done better. I am not good at receiving compliments even if I am naturally a cheerleader for others.
There is a good side to this in that i don’t want accolades to get into my head and make me proud. I also don’t want to be complacent or to always give excuses for my flaws. On the flip side, this also could have negative effects which i notice in how i treat myself. I have realised that I could be my worst enemy.
I don’t give myself the grace i offer to others. I am not patient with me. When i get something wrong, something i ought to have known, i beat up myself a lot. If someone fails at something for example, i am good at pulling that person up. It is one of my gifts. I have seen many people come back to share how i have helped them through seasons when they thought they have failed. I am not saying this to blow my trumpet but just to make you understand what i mean. However i hardly gather myself up to try again after a failure. A huge part of it is because i feel i have fell below my expectation.
Actually the root cause of this is pride because i feel highly of myself. If i truly understand and accept that i am not all knowing, then i will be gracious and allow allowances to receive grace.
I need to be patient with me.
I promise myself to be more gentle and loving with the way i treat me. I want to be intentional about looking after me. I don’t want to beat myself up over things I tolerate in others. I am human after all. I want to learn to receive compliments and not always push them away. I do work hard. And I deserve to treat myself better. I don’t want to always take myself off the equation.
I now understand that the big compassionate heart God blessed me with isn’t for others alone. It’s for me too. So, i pledge to do better.