“God fix him”. “Change her”. “Soften their hearts towards me”. Bring her closer to you….” “Help him to exhibit fruits of the spirit”.
I prayed these prayers fervently. I screamed at the top of my lungs because really “these people needed a change from God”. Oh dear that girl was very mean and that guy at work was always rude. God just needed to fix them. The problem was him and her and them. Until i realised i was the problem.
Yes i am saved but i have quickly forgotten how i was before i accepted Jesus. I want them to bear good fruits when they aren’t even attached to the True Vine. I realised that my judgement about them was flawed. I wanted them to give something they didn’t have; something they couldn’t offer me because it wasn’t in them to give me.
In response to this, i resented them. I pretended to smile when i saw them but really i wished the ground would open and swallow them up because in my eyes they were wicked people. I vented to God about these people. My prayers was from a dirty and filthy heart. A heart of hatred. I offered vain words of prayers as i pointed fingers at them.
I was the problem. I needed to stop being a fault finder. I needed God to fix my heart. Actually i needed to pray;
“God fix me”. “Change me”. “Soften my heart towards them”. Bring me closer to you….” “Help me to exhibit fruits of the spirit”.
I needed to be more loving, more kind and more patient. I needed to forgive more. I needed to give them the benefit of a doubt. I needed to remember that that girl has never experienced real love. I needed to hear the story of that guy at work who has never felt the hug of his parents. I needed to know about that lady who has never felt the safety of belonging to a family.
I needed to love these people through their pain and offer support more. I am the light. If i couldn’t shine as a light, then i was failing. Darkness thrived because i wasn’t shining.
Thank God for the Holy Spirit who is the revealer of truth. Yes. He revealed me to me. He reminded me of what my role on earth is and what i was doing. He reminded me how i am to represent Jesus Christ on earth. He reminded me how people were to be attracted to God through me because of my life.
So i changed my prayers and yielded myself to the Porter to remake me. He is doing His job now because finally i have allowed Him access into my heart. I have given Him the go ahead to prune and rip off the things He didn’t like in me. He is fixing me :).
Inasmuch as i love what He is doing, i must admit that the pruning process hurts a lot. There are a lot of ouches and i do shed some tears at times. However, i have decided to remain with the Porter as He continues to do the pruning. I know it will be worth it in the end since the finished product will be a perfect Efua who will make a perfect bride for a perfect Husband (God).